I shouldn’t have to make my child practice.
An all too common misconception is that a parent should not have to force their child to practice or that a parent should not have to remind their child to practice. This is hardly ever true!
When a child complains about practice or doesn’t practice without reminders (Ok, let’s call it nagging) parents often misconstrue these normal behaviors as a sign that their child should quit piano because they weren’t meant for it or don’t love it enough. It is normal for children to avoid practice. Afterall, practice is hard! But as we all know, great accomplishments do not come easy.
Practice can be grueling at times, but improvement in any instrument or at any activity requires hard work. Every student (and teacher!) has days where they don’t feel like practicing, but we all do things we don’t want to do when we are working towards something valuable. Getting your children to practice, even when they don’t want to, is just one part of the process when your child is learning an instrument.
Kids are the “quitters”.
Not really. Kids are kids and they are going to do things like try to weasel out of doing homework, chores, practice – you name it. Parents are really the ones who are giving up on the instruments. 🙁
It’s understandable that parents get tired of resorting to constant nagging about practice (or sometimes they even wonder if they are pushing their own dreams onto their child). Well, a parent will know, children go through stages…some months they love playing and you’ll barely need to ask them to practice, and other months they are saying things like “it’s just too hard.”
They will go back and forth a lot and there is nothing abnormal about this. Teaching a child to stick with something and take the committed route, through thick and thin, is an important life lesson. There are ways you may be able to avoid some of the nagging and add a sense of enjoyment and accomplishment to practicing, but yes Parents, it can be tough. Just don’t give up on your kids too soon!
Stick with it. You and your child will be so happy you did. Yes it might be unpleasant once and a while, but have you EVER heard of anyone who has told you “I was so happy and grateful my mom let me stop my music lessons!” Nope. You’re here to help your kids, and make tough decisions. It might be hard, but it will get easier once you get over the humps. Don’t quit!
Children should remember to practice on their own.
Children can’t be expected to practice on their own or even remember it’s time to do their piano-playing. Some even forget whether they’ve done it or not!
You’ll have to remind your kids to practice most of the time. Occasionally, you’ll have to remind more firmly!
No matter the level of interest in music study, your child is only human and some days they wil want to do something else before piano or skip practice altogether. Take a deep breath. On days like that you can try other tactics – like asking your child to play an older song they enjoy, or to play some favorites for you instead of worrying about the assignment. This keeps the kids at the piano for enjoyment and will let you relax also!
A child should be able to practice alone.
Of course, parents don’t deliberately leave the child alone at the piano. It’s just something they’ve never thought to avoid. Now you know the secret!
Being directly involved is key. Sit next to the child during practice if the child is young and in the room when the child is a bit older. The secret weapon is YOU and your direct involvement in your child’s home practice!
With young children, you may have to be involved directly for the entire practice session at first. Even after a long period of study, your help may be needed for most of the practice time. Do not expect your child to carry out practice entirely alone until she is about 10 years old.(Yes, piano study is a significant commitment for the family!) With children under that age, plan to sit in the room with the child, even if you are not on the bench with her.
Many children (up through approximately 6th grade) like to have a parent keep them company while they practice. Even if the child doesn’t need your sustained participation, they may crave your presence because it’s lonely in the piano or music room all by themselves. Don’t imply by words or body language that you’d rather be somewhere else. That attitude is negative. Use your “keeping company time” to read for pleasure, catch up on professional reading, or simply relax and enjoy your child’s accomplishments.
At some point, your child will inform you that you are no longer needed. Usually this is about 7th grade. Ask if they would like you to sit in the room while they practice. Even if the answer is yes initially, soon you’ll be informed that they’d rather be alone. This change is almost instantaneous when the child enters junior high.
We cannot stress this enough: Parents’ thinking the child can practice alone is the MAIN reason children will quit piano. Parent’s assume the child can carry out the assignment by themselves. They can’t!
Don’t let your child grow up to be and adult who regrets not having learned their instrument fully! When you as parent assume the child can do it alone, frustration, confusion, and despair set in when the child can’t carry out the task alone – because of all the reasons above. It’s a downward spiral.
And then the parent is upset (“Is my child unable to play the piano? Is she unmusical? Why do they want to give up!?”) and wonders whether the money and effort being expended is worth it.
Your child will be very frustrated with their inability to carry out the lesson assignment at home the longer they wait between practice sessions because they have forgotten what to do and how to do it. Therefore, daily practice will give your child the most progress for her effort and will keep frustration to a minimum.
Don’t quit on your kids.
Good Luck!